The Death of FUN

‘Ralph, I have this horrible image of me strapped inside a wheelchair- and I’m in an Old People’s Home. I look around the room and old people are looking straight at me from their own wheelchairs, lined up against the wall as though they are waiting their turn to go- or maybe to flee! I scan the room dolefully- then- out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of a wizened ole crone. She has an evil leer across her wrinkled face and she is crawling across the floor-slowly- towards me. She is cackling to herself and I know, Ralph, what she is going to do- and I am helpless! Yes, Ralph! She is going to fondle my balls!!’

- Ralph Steadman recounting a conversation with Hunter S. about why he was suffering 'the Death of FUN'

I had a conversation today about the kind of grandmother I'm going to be. I'm just saying.

J-E-L-L-O

Stronger, healthier, more adventurous. Comfortable. Climb mountains without fear, only trust. Will exercise regularly and spend more time outdoors. Spend more time considering the weight of my tongue. Speak deliberately. Confident in my decisions but open to suggestions. Peel apples in one go and eat skin first. Take more walks holding hands with men that inspire you. Wait until hungry. Give self time to recover. Laugh till stomach hurts. Build friendships. Relationships that make you stronger, healthier, more adventurous. Will pay more attention to bills and pay them on time. Save more money. Accept that you are the same with empty pockets as full ones. Travel more. Geography will make a mess out of me. Accept that moving means others have to move on. Commit when it feels right. Don’t get wrapped up in the hype. Don’t stop when there is doubt or doubt will never stop. Make an effort to sit still at least one hour each day. Love all animals. Never kick small dogs, despite the urge. Find and love a mouse. On Sundays buy sweet potatoes at the market. At a better pace. Slower and more conscientious. Will not cry while driving. Bare feet in mud at every opportunity. Pick up more bugs and inspect closely. Consider the benefits of owning a scooter. Take chances. Be twitterpated. Play music loudly and dance wildly. Listen with care when children are speaking. Speak with care when children are listening. Make funny faces in the mirror. Be naked. Don’t misplace anger, disguise sadness, ignore unhappiness. Respect. Keep better track of belongings including hair pins, telephones and credit cards. Carry cash. Telephones are here to help. Write more and talk less. Turn off the gas after cooking. Cook with more colorful foods. Organize. Prioritize. Ask mom and dad more questions about themselves. Shoot guns. Grace. Grow hair despite the awkward phase. Shave head. Jump off cliffs on the count of three. Solve more problems with paper, rock, scissors. Share. Fight when it is worth it. Be aware of weaknesses. Use a base coat before painting nails. Wear overalls at anytime. Sit on more porches at night with crickets. Make eye contact. Believe in more things. Remember band and artist names. Never cheat on someone. Find a tree and hang a tire swing, then spin. Dig holes.